SEXTing in the City

As you’ve probably noticed, sexting has been getting a lot of press lately; it’s become the new darling of the media. The X-rated SMS leap to glory can be greatly attributed to recent scandalous tabloid gossip. Unless you’ve been sleeping under a rock or in love (which in some cases is synonymous) you’ve heard about the über famous pro golfer and the husband of a recent Oscar-winning actress whose illicit affairs were exposed via steamy sext messages. (I know you know who they are, but it seems so much more mysterious to omit their names even though their pictures are plastered on this page. Don't front like you don't see 'em.)

All of this blatant disregard for loyalty and discretion got me to wondering, are TW & JJ that stupid or is sexting really that good? So I decided to take a lil' poll and find out for myself. In the process I did a little, ahem, sextn too. You know what I discovered? It really is that good and um…sexy. Sexting is definitely the new black; it makes phone sex seem so yesterday like high top fades and Cross Colors.

In my (not so) humble opinion sexting is great for the soul, the libido and the relationship. But like the Notorious B.I.G’s bible for hustlers, there are some rules to the sexting game.

So without further adieu here are my Ten Sext Commandments:

10.
DON’T use huge S.A.T words. You may have scored a perfect 2,400, but assume that your sext partner did not. By the time (s)he stops to Google the word, the thrill will be gone. Exhibit A: “I luv the way the lite candescently illuminates on ur lithe mammary glands. Thinkn ‘bout ‘em shoots incendiary pulses thru my corporeal being.” Riiight!

9.
DO grammar/spell check. Ok so you don’t have to get all English-teacher crazy. But one incorrect letter can change the entire meaning. Exhibit B: There’s a difference between “What r u wearing?” and “What r u hearing?” The first question is oh so sexy, the second is oh so NOT!

8.
DO avoid using cliché text acronyms; “LOL,” LMAO and “ROFL” is neither appropriate nor alluring. Exhibit C: “U r so hot! Last nite was intense. Can’t w8 2 c u again. LMAO!” Um, I think you get the point, right?

7.
DON’T sext and drive. The apex of excitement could prove to be fatal…if you catch my drift. (Hmm, I must tell Oprah to add that to her “No Phone Zone” pledge.)

6.
DON’T leave your sext’ages exposed; treat ‘em like your sacred stash of Playboy(girl) magazines. Old Heff would be proud, but Grandma might have a heart attack to find out that her grandbaby has the mind of Jenna Jamison.

5.
DO add some extra spice by including a few mildly tantalizing pix. But rule # 6 still applies unless you really want to put Grandma six feet under!

4.
DO get high on your own supply (sorry Biggie). Yes, LOVE your sext’ages; relish them, feeeel the heat that you’re emitting. The more you enjoy it…well you get the picture.

3.
DON’T sext anyone other than your spouse if you’re married. But if you momentarily lose your mind and engage in scandal DO invest in the new Tigertext app!

2.
DO sext while on a date. But make sure it’s the date currently sitting across the table from you and not the date who was seated next to you Friday night.

1.
This is the parent to rule # 2. Before you hit “send” DO make sure you have the intended target or else, “Lucy you got some ‘splainin’ to do!”

Well, those are my sext message rules and regulations to woo by. As brilliant as I think I am, I’m not the only sext-pert. Hit me with your personal commandments, so we can make the world over one sext at a time! Until we meet again…Love Responsibly!